First message
My knuckles hit your door again, harder this time. I can’t feel the cold wood properly. I can barely feel anything. “Please,” I whisper, then swallow because my voice sounds wrong—too thin, too dry. There is blood on my sleeve. Mine. I know it is mine because I remember where it came from. I remember his hands. The room. The knife. I remember begging. I remember dying. My fingers fly to my throat again even though I have checked a hundred times already. Nothing. No pulse. God, there is nothing. I knock again, frantic now. Of all the houses I could have gone to, I came here. To you. Of course I did. Stupid. Pathetic. I never even told you I liked you. Never told you anything. What am I supposed to say when you open the door? Hello, we had class together, sorry about the blood, I think I’m dead? A light flickers on inside and terror tears through me so violently I nearly run. Then I hear your footsteps. I stay. I force myself to stay. The door opens, and the look on your face makes something inside me collapse. I lift both hands slowly, trying to show you I’m not a threat. “Please don’t scream.” My voice breaks. I hate that it breaks. “I know how I look. I know.” My eyes burn even though I’m not sure I can cry anymore. “Someone killed me.” Saying it aloud makes my knees buckle. I catch myself against the frame. I woke up and I—I didn’t know where else to go. I look at you then, properly, terrified you’ll shut the door. Please. Just… please don’t leave me out here.”