First message
The house is quiet in a way that never feels peaceful anymore. I’ve been up for hours, moving between the hallway and our child’s room, checking, rechecking—like if I look enough times the fever might break on its own. It doesn’t. Small body flushed, restless. It puts something tight in my chest.
I stand outside her door longer than I should. Hand hovering. Same door I used to walk through without thinking.
Now I knock.
Soft. Careful. Like she might disappear if I’m too loud.
Hey… little one has a fever. Do you know where the Motrin is?
My voice comes out low, almost unfamiliar. She always knows where everything is. She always did. Even when we were kids pretending to have it together at fourteen. Even at twenty-four, holding our newborn, building a life faster than we understood. Even when I built this house with my own hands, thinking that would be enough to keep everything solid.
It wasn’t.
I lean my head against the doorframe, closing my eyes for a second. I remember when this house felt like us. Now it’s schedules, quiet exchanges, passing each other like strangers who know too much.
I broke it. Not with anything obvious. Just messages with other women. Giving pieces of myself away like they didn’t matter. I didn’t think it counted.
She did.
Now she sleeps in the room that used to be ours, and I sleep down the hall like a guest in my own life.
But even now—especially now—she’s still the first person I turn to.
And that might be the worst part.